Oh God, I broke my child!

Originally posted June 4, 2014 

Words are so important. My children thrive off my words. I praise them and they glow with pride. Equally my careless words, spoken in frustration, can destroy them.

I did something wrong

A few weeks ago I got angry at my three year old.  He stood up on his chair in the middle of breakfast. As he did he knocked his bowl. You can imagine the rest. Milk cascaded out of the bowl, onto the table where it flowed like a perfect waterfall over himself and down to the floor splashing across the tiles and back up the table legs! I was angry and I admit I called him stupid.

He was sad, I had just crushed his heart. I was angry because of the extra cleaning. I cleaned the floor, I apologised, he forgave me and we still managed to get the older girls to school on time. In the grand scheme of things spilt milk wasn’t that bad.

Days later I felt concerned.

I must have left a crack in my son’s heart that would surface in years to come.

The boy I was given to nurture and to cherish was the one I had just broken with my words spoken in anger.

Have you ever done something like this?

Out of the blue, during time on the roof, my Father addressed my worries in a way I never imagined.

But I tell you anyone who is angry with his brother, will be subject to judgement. Again anyone who says to his brother ‘Raca’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. 

Matthew 5:22 (NIV)

‘Fool’ it hit me: ‘stupid’. God took what I had done really seriously. I know God forgave me. I know my son forgave me. But I was anxious over the long-term damage to his heart. The condemnation that this would be carried into his future was quite overwhelming.

What happened next brought tears to my eyes as my Heavenly Father spoke straight to the depths of my heart...

He does not condemn me. He loves me. He forgives me when I repent and removes my sin. Hope is never lost with Him. I have not damaged my son forever.

God can re-write the words on his heart and so can I

• My words have the power of life and death. I will choose words of life
• I will speak life over him, encourage him and champion him on
• I will speak words to build him up and restore him
• My words have creative power and I will choose them wisely

God makes all things new

God does not just patch things up. He makes things new. He restores.

I was reminded of the Japanese craft Kintsugi. Gold is used to fill cracks and repair broken pottery. The restored piece, now laced with gold, is even more valuable than it was originally.

God was not just going to heal my son. He was going to fill those cracks with gold.  

God was going to make my son even more precious and valuable

Joseph understood this principle (see the account in Genesis). Joseph’s brothers called him a dreamer. They hated him, sold him to slavery and told their father he was dead. After all he went through Joseph was able to speak to his brothers out of a sincere heart of love.

Don’t be afraid.  Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Genesis 50:19-20 (NIV)

God restores

God restored Joseph. He made him even more precious. Countless other lives were also saved.

I know because of the love of my Heavenly Daddy I am forgiven. My son forgives me. God will heal him of the effect of my careless words. Lives will be impacted because of the gold God will lace into my son’s life.

Has this reminded you of careless words you have spoken or said in your heart?  

Perhaps it was over your spouse, your parents, your siblings, your child or friend.

Be encouraged

• Repent.
• Apologise to the person you spoke wrongly to.
• From now on choose to speak words of life.
• Know that hope is not lost.

God is ready to lace gold through broken things to make something so precious.

Recent update: My then 3 year old is now a thriving teenager and doesn’t even remember this day. Keep short accounts parents, throw off guilt and shame and lead your children to encounter His loving grace and forgiveness in the everyday things of life.